You have not implemented any projects up to this point so your words cannot yet have a concrete and objective response.
All you can do is, therefore, to start doing and maybe even undoing.
There is something in the past that has blocked you, so start eliminating the obstacles and then proceed further, but this time not just in words.
They have no validity and you should know it well since you often do not even want to hear from others.
You are going into confusion, but it is normal at this time in your life to have some difficulty both to concentrate and to tidy up your ideas.
But even finding some valid ideas could be difficult given the conditions.
So take a breath of fresh air, stop thinking about what you should do and dedicate yourself for a moment to something else.
Surely you will think of the best solution to get some work and responsibility off!
The day may not go exactly as you had imagined, especially from the emotional point of view.
You should be more determined by the person who has conquered you, otherwise what you will receive could be a two of spades.
Up to now, you have not been clear at all about what you feel, what you want and what you would like, so at a certain point those facing you might have given up on understanding and are maintaining a detached and cold attitude that you have to warm up!