To the man who broke my heart.
I don’t think you realize what you did. I don’t think you understand that you broke me.
I don’t think you can understand me at all and it’s a shame because now you’re going to listen to what I have to say.
How could you do this to me? How could you let me cry when I fell asleep? I was unable to fall asleep and you knew that very well.
You knew it by reading, days after, the messages that I had sent you and you left me there, alone without ever answering me. I was dead to your eyes … I died to your eyes.
You knew everything I had to go through before meeting you, you knew I didn’t want to open up to anyone. You found me, you conquered me, you got me.
And why? What the fuck? Was it just a game for you? You said, “run away from me, I follow you; follow me I’m escaping you.” Well done, because you didn’t follow me, you pushed me away so much that you lost me.
I was on guard to protect my heart and myself. I didn’t want to suffer the loss of someone.
I didn’t want that awful feeling when you are abandoned, used, unwanted and when you no longer feel worthy of being loved or “not good enough”.
The truth is that I AM ENOUGH WELL !!
You were just too selfish to realize it. I told you I was afraid of being hurt again.
I tried to push you away because I was afraid that this person entering my life would break me again when, I had just recovered.
You told me to trust you, you told me to let you in, not to run away.
You promised me that you would treat me like a princess, that I deserved so much better than what I had received so far.
You told me you love me. Completely and entirely. You lied … You broke your promises.
And what, it’s because you’ve been hurt in the past – but like all of us, right? You’re not special, we all went through horrors that almost nearly killed us.
The difference is that you used your insecurities and your problems against the only person who was there for you and would have been there until the end. The only person who really loved you.
You didn’t want to open up to me, you did exactly what you begged me not to do. You left me alone, outside in the cold. How can you be like that, heartless?!
I will never apologize for loving you – the love and care I gave you was more than you deserved.
It was a love I deserved. You never loved me; You told me what you think I wanted to hear.
If you love a woman like you pretended to love me, NEVER you would hurt her, make her cry, or make her feel like she was being used.
Did you care about me at least? I do not believe so and it still is not the case today. If you cared for me, if you loved me, if you wanted me in your life, you would have fought for me, for us.
I fought for two and now I’m exhausted.
How could the man I fell in love with become the man he is today?
I say “man” but the term is approximate because a man is neither a coward nor a liar so cruel. You were so passionate at first, covering me with compliments.
We could have talked every day until the early hours of the morning. You were me but like a man.
We had a connection instantly. YOU’RE NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU CLAIMED TO BE!
You have a double personality: one affectionate, warm, loving and attentive; the other, cold, with a hard heart and without regard. A part of you that I only knew once it was too late.
Once in love with you. This part that I didn’t like. Being with you made me nervous. So anxious that I was sick of it.
I couldn’t completely open up to you. I was afraid you would go. I was afraid to say too much. I was afraid of everything.
Why did you suddenly become so cold and inaccessible?
The only times I felt close to you were in our intimate moments but even there, it was not like before.
I wanted to cry afterwards. I cried afterwards but you didn’t know it since my tears flowed after you fell asleep, once you had what you wanted.
It all started to revolve around you, your desires, your needs. Not once did you take an interest in me, ask yourself how I felt, if I was fine.
You became someone I no longer knew. I lost my connection to you. To be with someone while feeling so alone is overwhelming.
Being with this person I learned to love, thinking that I could do so to be ultimately rejected, killed me internally.
I noticed that you changed, that you no longer saw me, that you canceled our projects, leaving me alone with us for hours and only wanting to see me when you needed something.
You hardly spoke to me anymore, your messages were scarce and you were silent on the phone, even when I was trying to have a conversation after a day without speaking.
Do you know what it feels like to be treated as an option, as if you are not a priority … To be treated as less than nothing?
But yes, of course, you know … It happened to you, didn’t it? You know the pain.
You know everything by heart and yet, you thought that doing this to an innocent person who only wanted the best for you was normal. How could you? !
You confused my love and affection with addiction. You were mistaken.
You were unable to see beyond your little person and to see that what I was giving you, you needed. I needed it. But I got nothing in return.
I wanted to be with you. I wanted you in my life even if you made it difficult.
It was darling love, why did you turn it into something so bad, unnatural? I’ve always done very well on my own.
I was fine, my life too. You stole this well-being from me but not in the expected sense, the one that could have made us love each other even more.
Instead, you forced me to hate you for what you made me go through.
You thought I was acquired. You thought that by treating me badly, you would keep me interested. You thought that by keeping control, you would keep power.
That day, I took over and left you. I left … In fact, you forced me to run away.
You forced me to do what I was trying to do despite your pleas, your false promises, and your lies.
You thought I would stay. You thought that I would continue to accommodate your double personality.
You weren’t worthy of my love. You are not worthy of my tears or my thoughts.
You left me, my bleeding heart for you and you ignored me. You still ignore me, why?!
You pushed your partner back when she needed you the most. I needed you the same way you needed me but you never came.
I wrote to you when things got tough. They became so because of you. You didn’t answer once.
You left me no choice but to end our relationship. As stupid as it sounds, I didn’t want to.
I wanted it to work. I knew that if you could open yourself up, no longer be cold and anxious, we could have been extraordinary.
You never gave me a chance, neither me nor us. You preferred ease and avoided me at all costs.
It hurts a lot but it is TRUE YOU.
I bent over backwards to satisfy you and your needs. I did everything you wanted. You were busy, I understood it; your life didn’t always include me, I understood it too.
In truth, I was never really included in it. I was there, at your convenience, your toy, your anti-boredom. There was no effort, no * , nothing to keep me.
You didn’t allow me to feel special. You gave me a boost. You have given me nothing except fear and pain.
I would like to believe that none of this was intentional but maybe I’m wrong – who knows, because, in reality, I don’t know you.
How can you be so cold and cruel to people who have done nothing to you?
They never hurt you. I never would have hurt you.
Why did you cut all contact before I left you – was that your way of making sure I broke up, that you could play the victim and get what you wanted?
Didn’t you have the courage to tell me that you no longer wanted to continue, that you were terrified of the idea of engagement?
Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend if you didn’t want to? Why did you tell me you loved me if you didn’t mean it? To sleep with me?!
I have so many questions that I would never have answered, because you’re an asshole. I guess that’s how I want to end you.
However, I would say this to you – maybe you don’t think so and don’t see it now but in a week, a month or a year, you WILL REGRET that you treated me like this.
You will regret letting me go. You’ll soon see what you had. You will realize that you have not lost me. No, you were unable to keep me.
So now, while you’re busy doing those things that didn’t leave you “time for me”, busy starting other relationships you don’t want, all is well.
It’s when you finally wake up alone wishing I’m by your side.
This is where you will really hurt. This is where you will experience the same pain that was mine.
This is where you want to be able to go back in time and treat me properly.
This is where I will be able to look you in the eye and say, “ Now you know how it feels. ”
Now you suffer as I suffered. Except that I never wanted to hurt you, you did it all by yourself and you will be solely responsible for it.
Between us, the best thing I have done is to have left you.
I will always love you but for the moment I am trying to heal. I still miss you and I’m still sad.
This sadness is for the life we could have had, for the man with whom I fell in love and who could fall in love with me again.
I am free to find someone who really wants to be with me, who does anything for me, who makes me his priority, who gives me the world.
I gave you so many chances that you never got it. I’m not sorry for leaving you.
I am sorry I did not do this earlier, when I saw these signs but chose to ignore them. I love you but I love myself more.