No matter how much sparks fly at the beginning of a relationship, no matter how much the earth moves or the clouds lift, the passion you once experienced inevitably seems to fade away. This happens over different lengths of time, depending upon the couple involved. It can take anywhere from two weeks to twenty years to happen, but happen it always does.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that an individual who once seemed like an exciting and fascinating passionate prospect, at some point in the relationship, suddenly finds themselves having nothing new to give.
Managing your image
Being a successful lover and partner has a whole lot to do with marketing yourself and managing your image properly. You have to be aware of how much you are giving of yourself, when your material is running out and when you need to move on and create new material.
This all, as previously stated, depends on what stage of the relationship you are at and how well you are managing each stage. The following tips then elaborate on steps you can take to keep yourself looking interesting in your partner’s eyes, and at what stage of the relationship these should be adopted.
#1 Make a good impression. An obvious one, although we’re not talking about first impressions necessarily. A first impression is what we do within the first few seconds of meeting someone, how we come across to other people through our speech, manners and body language. What we’re interested in is the first date, or first few dates, and how you maintain any good first impressions.
A lot of this has to do with holding things in check, and not pouring out your life story or telling them in depth about your fascination with pre-1987 diesel trains and all the glorious details, which that inclination might entail. Hold your cards to your chest, whilst still trying to maintain the conversational flow, and play the long game.
#2 Save your best for later. You might have scaled the Himalayas, studied in the heart of the Amazon under an animistic shaman for six months, provided first aid to civilians caught in a war zone or bungee jumped off Victoria Falls. You might have a list of such achievements as long as your arm.
However, please do resist the urge to share all of your accomplishments with a potential partner, on the first occasion. There are two reasons for this: firstly, they’re going to think you’re showing off. Secondly, what are you going to have to talk about in the future? Cherry pick your achievements, and make sure you’ve got one for each occasion, ensuring that you seem as interesting as possible for as long as possible.
#3 Learn what interests them. Now’s the time to do your research. Conversation is a two way street. Pick up on those little things that they profess to liking, but steer the conversation elsewhere if possible. Then use that knowledge at a later date.
For example, if they mention professional road cycling as an interest, but not as a topic of conversation, then avoid the temptation to make it so. Do make a mental note though, go home, do a bit of Google magic, and next time you’ll be armed and ready to discuss the achievements of Pedro Delgado and Bradley Wiggins in a virtuoso performance of knowledge. Nothing is as interesting as someone sharing the same interests.
Mid stage, a couple of months in
#4 Keep listening. You’ve made a great start, kept your partner’s interest enough to develop that spark into a full blown relationship, and started a whole new and exciting life together. Now is not the time however, nor will it ever be, to start developing bad habits.
One of the worst bad habits in a relationship is complacency, and you should make an effort to avoid it all costs. How? Keep listening. Don’t turn on the mute button and stop listening to what they have to say or are interested in. Keep doing what you did in the early stages and listen to what your partner has to say, so that you can contribute to the conversation at hand. In fact, with all your best stories and achievements now used up, this is probably more important than ever.
#5 Learn or do new things. So you’ve exhausted everything you know about road cycling – so much, in fact, that if you ever actually met Sir Bradley Wiggins in person, you’re pretty sure that you’d jam one of those high performance wheels right up where the sun don’t shine! Well then, maybe it’s your turn to take the bull by the horns and start learning new things.
Get a new newspaper, one with a little more substance than you usually buy, or of a different political persuasion. Read some new books, watch some documentaries, do a little home study. You’ll be surprised how much free education is available out there. Then the next time you sit down at the breakfast table with your other half, you’ll have a whole new range of conversational topics to inject into an otherwise predictable array of verbal offerings.
#6 Try new activities together. Similar to the previous point, try and find something that you’ve both never done but really fancy trying, and give it a go. Whether it’s knitting, hang-gliding or martial arts, there’s nothing better than a shared interest to make you more interesting: specifically because it is inclusive of your partner, and shows that you are making an effort, and are willing to keep your relationship moving forwards.
TIP – both of you make a list in private of the top ten things you’d like to try, that are reasonably achievable, and compare these afterwards. See if any of them match, and make these the object of your new activity itinerary.
Later stages, a couple of years in
#7 Suggest new bedroom activities. A good * life is so important to a healthy and balanced relationship. It diffuses stress, fosters a feeling of closeness and is extremely good fun! So if one day in the far future of your relationship, you realize that * has become a scheduled activity, much like doing the ironing or going out for the weekly grocery trip, and involves a few moments of half-hearted groaning and a roll off, then things need shaking up.
#8 Be spontaneous. The best way to be seen as interesting is to be spontaneous. However, in the later stages of a relationship, routine sets in and things just naturally seem to fall into a pattern. If you identify this happening in your life, then try to break that routine. Make your partner breakfast in bed, if that’s something you don’t normally do, surprise them at work with a bunch of flowers or by turning up unexpectedly and taking them for lunch. There’s a whole host of things you can do to surprise your partner and stop them from taking you and your habits and ways for granted.
#9 Shake things up. Now’s the time in your relationship to start making the big changes. You’ve settled down, got your careers, perhaps a mortgage, maybe children, and life seems to revolve around paying bills and performing to society’s expectations of a good solid citizen… *yawn*. So many relationships break up because one or both of a couple decide that they want more from life, and they start heading off in a different direction.
Take control of that urge and make a big plan that you can involve your partner in, that takes you both in a whole new direction. Imagine how interesting you would seem and how exciting, when walking up to them one day and saying, “Darling, let’s buy a cottage in France and try subsistence farming” or “Let’s take a year out and go traveling the world”. Not only do you seem interesting for suggesting it, but it also gives you something to aim towards and get you through those grey days ahead.